My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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