Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
