Yo dont text me then not text me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
