seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
