I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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