Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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