Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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