just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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