May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
