this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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