okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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