Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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