Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Holy sore nipples Batman
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