dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
