Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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