You're so nebulous sometimes
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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