He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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