Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
