Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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