i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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