I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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