the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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