is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
