It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Girls should come with a carfax report
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
