This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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