He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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