highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
