hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
