me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
