i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
