Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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