I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
