Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
