My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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