At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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