doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
soo... how was my night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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