well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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