just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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