Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
