My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You were trust falling into bushes
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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