I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
