i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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