so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
