all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
