Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
