Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
