he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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