I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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