what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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