she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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