Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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