mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
