super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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