508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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