Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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