The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just forgot I was standing up.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
