She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
