Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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