Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
