Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
