apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
