I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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