New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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