And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
