i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
