either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
