I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
