Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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