Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
